The D word.

Divorce. If seems this word could have a lot of different means to people. But to me it means HELL. For a lifetime. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I’ve never seen them even smile at each other. I’ve never heard them communicate nicely. Nothing. I always felt as if I was in the middle of them. I went back and fourth between houses based on what the court ordered. It caused me not the have a relationship with my dad for quite sometime. Neither party to blame. But in my adult life it effects me even more. Because I have kids, a fiance, a home, and I’m getting married. My kids have birthday parties and they make sure to stay as far away from each other as possible. And have even missed events because the presence of each other. My kids are young and won’t notice. But I do. Everytime this happens to me my childhood is just brought back into perspective. Holidays are never spent together on the actual day because it’s all spilt up. I’ve had to miss other family events to be with one or the other. And now, I’m getting married. And the D word has caused people to alter their choices in coming to my wedding simply because of the people on MY guest list. I can’t change anyone’s minds. But the drama it has brought about is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever experienced. May sound selfish, but it’s BLAKE AND I’s day. To celebrate the love we have together and to celebrate us becoming one. Not what happened 22 years ago. Not how you still feel. Just US. Our love. All I can say is it hurts to even know that something that happened so long ago is still effecting some of the most important days of my life. I have forgiven the feelings and I have come to the conclusion that no matter who is at my wedding, and no matter their reasoning I still love them. And I thank them for the influences they’ve had on my life. The D word has taught me what not to do as a co-parent. And how to prevent my future marriage from failing. Communication. Understanding. Making sure my children come first when co-parenting. Yes, each parent makes mistakes. But it’s okay. You should learn from them on both parties. Not just point out one or the others flaws or mistakes. It’s okay to not like someone, but it’s not okay to take it out on someone else and hurt them because of it. The D word sucks. But I am thankful for it since it has taught me how to do things better for my oldest daughter. So thank you, to my mom and dad for giving me a tremendous lesson that can be altered from hell into something great. If you’re battling another parent just remember at one point you had to have had some kind of positive feeling for that person in order to make your blessing. It hasn’t always been negative. So why keep it that way forever? Work together for your child, not yourselves.