Weight Loss

Many of my friends and family have struggled with me through my weight loss successes and failures throughout my lifetime. Weight has always been a huge part of my life. Starting from childhood, a person I was supposed to trust, tormented my weight. I don’t remember the exact age it started at but I was put on the scale all the time and told I was chubby. I was told “you don’t need seconds”, “you don’t get dessert”, “you have to wear a one piece because you’re too big for a two piece”. All these awful phrases from a person who should’ve loved me for me. I was bullied in middle school because I wasn’t like everyone else at my private school. I had few friends because I didn’t “fit in”. After being bullied I decided to make a change for me, to feel better about myself. So I got a personal trainer and began losing weight the right way. I was finally starting to feel good and “fit in” and I was ecstatic. Many changes happened going into eighth grade. Family issues with my divorced parents. (Divorced my whole life) Back to public school. My first “relationship”. Trying to “fit in” to this new place. And losing weight seemed to be the only thing I could control. So I took advantage of it. I monitored every calorie that went in my mouth and made sure to exercise enough to burn every single one. I ditched friends to exercise. Foods became fearful. I made it unhealthy, and I became sick. So sick I completed my eighth grade finals in my science teacher’s supply closet so no one saw my hospital bands and IV pokes and left. Without saying goodbye to all my middle school friends before we parted ways and started high school. So sick I had to have outside help from the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. A world renowned hospital. There I saw someone who struggled more than I did. She ate half a grapefruit a day, didn’t finish her meals in time, and weighed a small 80 pounds. She inspired me. And she made me change. Although she doesn’t know this, she did. She was gaunt, boney, and simply dying. I couldn’t do this to my family anymore. So I made a change. I decided to try. I came home and tried too hard and blew up to a whopping 208 pounds because I got comfortable. Fast forward a bit and more changes came my way. And I decided to fix this issue again. Not for myself this time but for someone else because I was too fat for them and their friends thought I was “gross” I lost some weight then became pregnant with my first child. I stayed healthy and ate right my first pregnancy and only gained about 15 pounds and lost it the right away. And continued to do so once I healed. I lost weight then was called to small by another person who was supposed to care about me. So what was I supposed to be? Big or skinny? More huge events happened and I was obsessed again. Had to go to the gym everyday ate the same things day in and day out. I was losing time with my precious baby girl because of this obsession. My now fiancé came along and changed my whole life. He didn’t even try to. But he did. And he did it so simply and with so much grace. He was the one person who constantly told me I was beautiful, aside from my mom, and just listened to my story. He didn’t quite understand my thought process about my weight and body image, but he listened fully. He was the one person I believed when they told me I was beautiful just the way I am. And that moment I knew he was the one for me. I’d never felt good about myself, since my childhood, and now I did and still do. He just laughs at me when I say I’m fat, have jiggle, or have rolls. And it’s because he doesn’t even care. He loves what’s on the inside. Even after baby number two, and a little more lose skin. I still struggle with my image almost daily but it’s expected since it’s been ingrained in my brain since such a young age that I “didn’t fit in” all because I was “fat”. I try to say nothing about this in front of my children though, I’d never want them to struggle as much as I have an still do sometimes. I’ve had friends, bullies, and family ask me how I did it. Ask me to help them. Ask me what to eat. And I just laugh, because didn’t you people put me down at one time? Didn’t you say I was fat? Now you want my help? Well here it is. BALANCE, in all aspects of life. Make time, make it a priority, eat the right portions, and workout enough for your body to be healthy. Cut the fast food forever, the soda, the alcohol. Love your body. I was lucky enough to have that person show me I was worthy of loving myself, but I hope anyone struggling can take my word and just go achieve your goals and love yourself. The balance comes along with it!

My smallest and when I was really struggling.

My largest and after my first daughter when I met my fiancé.

Now after two kiddos.

Some of my favorite at home workouts are the HITT workouts on YouTube: